What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 18.06.2025 13:15
But ive been too sick for many years..
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
What are some funny and smart quotes?
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Why do nice guys rarely or never win?
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Put me off passion for life!!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I am 13 and I am planning to run away. What should I do to succeed?
I was very sick at this time too.
She found it foreign!.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Why do older siblings always hate younger siblings?
I never cut or harmed myself..
(And it was in our own minds.)
Im dying but, im not bitter.
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I of course replied” arh beautiful!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
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My family never makes their pension either.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
What is your biggest mistake or regret?
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
How do you write lyrics for a song that resonates with listeners?
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
What was your biggest culture shock going to Europe?
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
One cannot live in the past .
I have no regrets .
What did your mother say that made your jaw drop?
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I waited trembling.
What is it like to have an insanely beautiful girlfriend?
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Who then, do I blame.?
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
So whats the point in blame.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Especially a lifetime of it.
But, we were locked up after school.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
What did i know ?
But it wasn’t much.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
It was going to be , some day.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
This is soul school!.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
My life is so biszare .
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I think the readers, may guess!
We all went to grammer schools
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Why did i forgive my father ?
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I was seconnd youngest,
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
And i lived it daily.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
He resisted the act ,that day.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I will be 64.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
She loved him until the end.
So, i spoilt her more .
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Would this be the day?
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I was 9 years of age.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I said to her
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
We were not on the streets..
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I couldn’t, believe it.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I was scared of men, in general
She married twice! .
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Comes on , in middle age.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I write beautiful poetry .
When she asked me how she looked .
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
She wouldn,t have been !
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
She was in good health!
All the time i was locked up.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I could never make a relationship work though!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I don,t even have a pension.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
They are buried together, in the same grave..
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Im still living with it.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Ive learnt so much.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
As i do to all so called friends.?
I know ,a lot about trauma.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Was to survive, this bastard.
He knew the spot.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years